Have you ever discovered something that helped you make more sense of yourself? It's as if something that has always appeared as broken comes across for the first time as simply a little bent. There is hope - perhaps I am normal and those things I've passed off as crazy 'shelleyisms' connect with where I am from. We are, after all pieces of everything we have ever experienced - from Sesame Street to family break up to the last conversation you had with someone to this moment where you are allowing me to step into your story.
I am currently reading a book (and have been for awhile!) that is a study on children of divorce. The author studied a group of children from the time their parents divorced until 15 years after. This is the follow-up study of her previous books where the kids are at the 25 year mark.
This year marks my 24th. It ends up I am pretty much a text book case in many ways. I just wish I could have known what I have been learning several years ago. I wish I could have made more sense of those things I would rather hide than face - especially when it comes to other people. I am confident that the more we can learn about ourselves the more we can stretch and grow. Also the more we can learn about ourselves, the more we can accept who we (and other people) are.
I have learned, for example that I have always needed more than just silence to grant me room to express my emotions; my heart. I've needed permission. It didn't matter what I felt growing up. I always thought I was in the way (typical, I have learned of children of divorce). There wasn't time or space for that. There commonly isn't in homes where getting by is the main concern. There isn't time to feed dreams, to catch what's under the radar or recognize small accomplishments. I learned how to hide. I learned that even if people say they care, they can disappear from your world in a blink of an eye and so I always knew that I was the only one I could count on and it was better to pack light.
The thing is you can unlearn what you have learned if you are willing to see it and accept it as your own. But when you grow up learning something - when it is as basic as your abc's, it can be hard to recover from. It isn't an overnight process.
I guess what I am trying to say is, please have patience with me. I am a work in progress. The thing is since I know that about me, I can assume that you, as well, have things that you are learning and things that you recovering from and I promise to try and have patience with you too. There is hope. As Andrea Boydston said, "If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance."
Don't give up and keep exploring. You, yourself are a great and worthy adventure.