And the Door Opens...

September 7, 1998
So tomorrow I leave for Rosebud. This changes my whole life.

(Mah ha! Little did I know!!)

September 10, 1998
So here I am in Rosebud. A wonderful family have been keeping us housed, fed and loved. So... hmmm...I feel odd but I am not sure just why. See perhaps it would be the same if I were in any new place or it could be the community faith. It's a religious town and home. I love the closeness of the town - the love that radiates and the respect. Is it the religion that scares me? Am I afraid of what I believe? Or of losing that?
I do want to know about the Bible - I mean knowledge is something that I crave right now. I do believe in God, in my own way. I do see him as a creator and someone who watches over me and loves me. We all need something to believe in. I am afraid of losing a piece of me; of what I believe. So much of it confuses me. But now that I look into my heart to see what I believe - I'm not even sure what it is. I shouldn't be ashamed - I have done nothing wrong but here I feel as if I have. I feel like people can zoom right in to the center of me and see that I am different. They can't and even if they could (and I am up front about it anyways) no one would think less of me. I love the people.
This is such a huge decision to make but whatever it is it will all work out as it should. I believe in destiny. But just what is destiny? It's everything going as it was all planned in some great wondrous way. Therefore I will have faith. I believe in God and I, in my own way, pray. I believe in angels watching over me. I know nothing of Jesus and the Bible. This is what I have to go from. Here I have the opportunity to learn about theater in a small, close theater, away from 'structured', 'traditional' ways. I have the chance to be part of such a wonderful community for awhile and learn about something of which I know nothing. My job is to take in everything and filter it through me to come up with my own beliefs and choose my life and where I need to be. I don't have to accept all I hear but I should look at what's out there, right?
The girl here with me seems to think that she belongs here and I don't because she is indeed a Christian and I was never even baptized (nor can I even spell it!) and have a different knowledge of life. How can that be true? It's never been there for me to accept or reject. No one has a right to judge another, religious or not.
I need time to think. I'll make my decision back home in Calgary.