Lonely Requests

I have come to realize that the times I am most lonely seem to be the times I am most disappointed in myself, the times I am most separated from myself. I am well aware that when I go fall asleep to myself I am unable to fully connect with others and I separate myself too from the most intimate relationship anyone will ever have, my Lord, my Savior, my Papa. Thus, in my loneliness as I ask for a hand to hold so I don’t have to do the hard work of remembering to love myself, I should be asking instead for the hand I am making the request of. How God must hurt as we come before Him, pouring out our sorrow, asking for petty things that lie outside of the immense gifts He so desires to bestow upon us. We might marvel at the banquet He has laid out for us but we prefer instead to turn our backs to nibble on the crumbs from our own pockets as if He were unaware of our actions. The sad thing is not that He is aware of such actions but that we can live in such a state that we, ourselves, are not.